The Pea is nearly 6 weeks old and I figure it’s time to start getting out of the house. Taking both the kids out, by myself, is quite a daunting prospect, really. (considering the pea is either attached to my boobies or pooing and I usually need to have all my wits about me with the danger-man). But, today, I’d thought I’d give it a try.
Can I just say: my first attempt was an epic failure. Epic. Kids are like dogs, they can smell fear. I believe, this lead to todays ultimate demise.
At first I thought we were doing okay. (even though, I forgot my coffee and story time at the library was cancelled) I feed and changed the Pea, so she was due to sleep for at least 2 hours. I made sure the diaper bag was stocked, and remembered our overdue library books. Danger-man had his shoes on the right feet. I even put on my moby wrap before I left, so I could just slip the Pea in later. (I know, supermom, right? not by a long shot.)
The Danger-man used my anxiety as his free ticket to run amok and generally act a like a wild-man. He even weaseled two cupcakes out of me; (heaven help me!) fueling himself up for the mother of all meltdowns.
At our little dance party, he wanted the nice clown lady to make him a balloon lightsaber. He waited in line so patiently and he even let his bestie go first. But what happened when the balloon she handed him looked more like a pirate sword than a jedi lightsaber? He released the beast. I still cannot fathom how in the world he thought it would be okay to shout at this women. (really?!! are you effing kidding me?? is this even my little boy?) I almost laughed at first. Because: a. he is so stinking cute when he is mad, he crosses his little arms and scowls–you know the works. b. I really did not think this was really happening.
After a bit of a chat, a time out, and some time to calm down she even tried to make him another one. (Which is more than I would have done- just saying.) The second one must not have met his exact specifications either because he started crying. Then, recovered himself enough to scream at the poor clown again. (this cannot be my child, because my child does not act like this)
Again, a chat and timeout. I put on my best mama voice and told him: ‘Apologize to the poor woman and say thank you, we are leaving.’ He then planted himself in the middle of the floor and started yelling at me. It turned out he still wanting his face painted. (are you serious?)
How did it end? With me marching him to the car. (of course I parked like 10 blocks away) With him screaming, crying, and eventually begging to go back to get his face painted. With the Pea waking up with a cry of her own. (and wouldn’t you know it, they keep it up the entire way.) With me using the line: ‘just wait until your dad get home.’ (like the hubs is scary.) Sorry, Supernanny. He’s just lucky the Easter Bunny doesn’t have a naughty list, because he’d be drilling for the top.
I suppose, I’ll try again next week. It can only get better from here. Right?