Category Archives: Funnies

spring break

Spring is here and I could not be more excited. (Even if it’s still raining.)

And we had the busiest week ever:

1. We had our first sunny and warm day of the year so we got outside and kicked the yard’s ass. I even got a jump-start on our garden: begonias, peas, strawberries, and artichokes (so far.)  

2.  My oldest friend came for a visit with her daughter to spend spring break with us. And we had so much fun: The arcade,  zoo, voodoo donuts, the rainy-rainy coast, and saturday market. Yummy food. Staying up late gossiping and watching Jesus Camp (because that’s much worse, or better, than any scary movie) and Archer. Two more sunny days that didn’t go to waste. And Eric started on her half sleeve:

Jealous? I totally am.

3. A much (much) needed night out and too many vodka gimlets. At least it was for a good cause: Tsunami relief.

4. The Danger-man killed me because he’s hilarious!

“knock knock.” ‘
who’s there?’
“Star wars”
‘Star wars who?’
“let me think about it…”

“Hey, you know what? Girls are gooder than me..”

5. I celebrated my blogaversary. (not really celebrated but, you know, it happened.) And since my first ever post was about april fool’s day I should share this year’s events with you. The Danger-man and I made cupcakes and decided to pull a prank on Eric. The plan was for the Danger-man to take his iced & sprinkled cupcake to Eric, offer it to him, then say “April Fools.” Nothing as crazy as a squirrel in the kitchen…  Too bad Eric was asleep on the couch when we put our plan in effect. His brain was all fussy and he was a bit slow on the uptake when the Danger-man shouted “April Fools” so, he didn’t give the cupcake back. Instead he took a bite. And the world ended. (Or at least that is what it sounded like from the kitchen.)   

the danger-man says he's now "the sprinkle-man!"

And now my spring break is here and I need to start preparing for the Danger-man’s 5th birthday. (Holy crap…he’s going to be five this month!) 

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weekly funnies [part 5]

After telling me about his girlfriends:
“I love them SO MUCH I just want to kiss them! I can’t stop kissing them.”

He has a knack for making up knock knock jokes:
“Jamaica… Jamaica me crazy when I smile at you”
And: “Nacho…  Nacho Mama”

Watching the news about the tsunami in Japan:
“I have an idea, we should grab a sword and try to fight the water. There are lots of swords in Japan.”

New nickname for his sister:
Pancake babycakes.

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weekly funnies [part 4]

(Well, semi-weekly. I keep forgetting to write things down.) 

After telling me a story about preschool:
“it was so funny it broke my heart.”

After I said “please don’t tie your sisters tights in a knot while she’s wearing them”:
“But Mama..it’s not my fault. I don’t know how they got tied together.”

Right after the Pea’s birthday party:
“Her party was perfect! I knew it would be.”

The morning after the Pea’s birthday party:
“Why did the party have to stop?” Also: “I see you left the cupcakes out. That means we can have them in the morning time.”

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weekly funnies (part 3)

After taking the first bite of dinner: “That tastes horrible.”
After the second bite: “This is the worst thing of my entire life.” (He certainly knows how to make a girl feel good.)

Trying to convince Eric to let him stay up past bed time: “But, I really, really love you.”

After the Pea woke up from her nap: “I missed you, you stinky, smooth-ze-poo!” (barf)

The “No Babies Allowed sign” he made for his bedroom door:

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weekly funnies (part 2)

After I found a bowl of water hanging out in the fridge:
“I’m saving it for our cat. When we get a cat.”

After sneezing several times:
“Looks like I got a bad temper.”

Watching the hubs pee:
“Is that a firehose??”

Discussing the birds and the bees:
“Mama, how does the sperm get in the belly?” 
Um… When we want to have a baby, Daddy puts it there. (Perhaps, I’ve given him way too much info too soon because I have no idea where to go with this one. So, I decided for now less is more, for now.)
“So he kisses your belly and puts the sperm inside?”
“Yep, that’s about right. Now, I don’t wanna catch you kissing anybody’s belly.”
“But, I REALLY want to!”  

Oh…and this:

(Okay–that’s totally from last month. But, it still kills me… daily)

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weekly funnies

You know, Bill Cosby was right.  Kids DO say the darndest things.

Most days the Danger-man cracks me up no less than 12 times with all the silly shit that comes out of his mouth. To which he consistently responds: “Why you laugh?” (That’s always the kicker for me. He genuinely has no idea what’s so funny.) Usually, I’ll  text the joke to the Hubs at work and vow that I’ll remember it forever.  (But, forever usually last about a week.)

 So, I think I’ll try to start a weekly post to round up all the silly things he says (and the Pea as she gets older). That way I’ll have them for posterity’s sake and maybe we’ll crack you up in the process.

“Mommy (the Pea) has a China” (say what?) “I have a penis and my sister has a China”

“I don’t want this banana, this one is all wiggle-ly. I want a straight banana.” (Sorry, they don’t usually grow straight) “ah, Mom”

“Mommy, let’s play house. You can be the Mommy, I’ll be the boy and (the Pea) can be the baby.” (okay–maybe that one is only funny to me because, well, in essence we play that everyday.)

In response to wearing  the leather jacket I found him at a vintage consignment store: “I guess, I’m a punk rocker.”  (As if it wasn’t funny enough that he calls it his  ‘Cry-baby’. You know, that movie with Johnny Depp.)

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