Tag Archives: the danger-man

spring break

Spring is here and I could not be more excited. (Even if it’s still raining.)

And we had the busiest week ever:

1. We had our first sunny and warm day of the year so we got outside and kicked the yard’s ass. I even got a jump-start on our garden: begonias, peas, strawberries, and artichokes (so far.)  

2.  My oldest friend came for a visit with her daughter to spend spring break with us. And we had so much fun: The arcade,  zoo, voodoo donuts, the rainy-rainy coast, and saturday market. Yummy food. Staying up late gossiping and watching Jesus Camp (because that’s much worse, or better, than any scary movie) and Archer. Two more sunny days that didn’t go to waste. And Eric started on her half sleeve:

Jealous? I totally am.

3. A much (much) needed night out and too many vodka gimlets. At least it was for a good cause: Tsunami relief.

4. The Danger-man killed me because he’s hilarious!

“knock knock.” ‘
who’s there?’
“Star wars”
‘Star wars who?’
“let me think about it…”

“Hey, you know what? Girls are gooder than me..”

5. I celebrated my blogaversary. (not really celebrated but, you know, it happened.) And since my first ever post was about april fool’s day I should share this year’s events with you. The Danger-man and I made cupcakes and decided to pull a prank on Eric. The plan was for the Danger-man to take his iced & sprinkled cupcake to Eric, offer it to him, then say “April Fools.” Nothing as crazy as a squirrel in the kitchen…  Too bad Eric was asleep on the couch when we put our plan in effect. His brain was all fussy and he was a bit slow on the uptake when the Danger-man shouted “April Fools” so, he didn’t give the cupcake back. Instead he took a bite. And the world ended. (Or at least that is what it sounded like from the kitchen.)   

the danger-man says he's now "the sprinkle-man!"

And now my spring break is here and I need to start preparing for the Danger-man’s 5th birthday. (Holy crap…he’s going to be five this month!) 

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wordless wednesday


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adventures in grocery shopping

My car has needed some repairs for quite some time. Something about gaskets. Or, radiators maybe. Those things are in cars, I think. Not my forte. Or Eric’s, for that matter. I’ll just say it needed a major repair, we wouldn’t/couldn’t/shouldn’t do it, and a giant repair bill fell far below things like rent, utilities, groceries and textbooks on our lists of priorities so the repairs were put on the back burner for a while. (This life as a stay at home mom/college student is not without its sacrifices.) Apparently, it was still driveable but, I worry too much for that.  I’d be lying if I said, I wasn’t bummed that I couldn’t drive it but, we got by easily enough as a one car family before the Pea arrived. Honestly, working with one car again wasn’t so terrible; especially, since  the rose city has an amazing public transportation system that I truly don’t mind using. (It’s so funny how much of a treat kids think it is to ride the city bus, but I digress). 

The time without a car of my own, actually made me second guess the whole 2nd car thing. Again. I mean, with the price of gas it took us a while to come to the conclusion that we needed two car’s in the first place. It wasn’t until I became a SAHM, the Danger-man had preschool or mid-day playdates, and we had another infant that we finally bit the bullet.  I’m thinking the next time a major repair comes up I’ll convince Eric I need one of these instead:

Seriously, I need one.

Of course, I’ll invest in some helmets too.  But again, I digress. And, I’ve learned that I only really need a car for is grocery shopping. We do live with-in walking distance of two grocery stores.  There’s just no way I’m walking to the store with two kids in tow just to lug some groceries back in this perpetual rain.  The only problem is: Eric’s dream car, our 1970 VW bus is a little emotional. She (er, I mean it) acts like a scorned lover whenever I’m behind the wheel.  So, for the past few months our grocery shopping has either been done by Eric or as a family. And, it’s nice having a chauffeur. (I kid.)

Now, my car is finally fixed. (Hallelujah!–is that blasphemy? And, I’m not even going to mention how much it set us back because it’s downright depressing.) So, today I decided to do a practice run at the grocery store sans husband. We didn’t need much, just enough to let me test the waters and get back in the swing of things. I’ve mentioned I’m a worrier, right? And slightly insane? To me grocery stores are littered with kidnappers. Even the little old ladies who want to fawn all over babies seem unsafe. With Eric around, I allow myself to relax my white knuckle grip on the cart. I even allow the Danger-man to frolic around near us rather than cooped up in the cart with groceries piled on top of him. I let older gentlemen call my son sport and my daughter sweetie whilst their wives pinch their cubby cheeks. You know, rather than trying to ram them out of the way with my shopping cart while screaming “stranger danger”. I’m not normally this bat shit crazy when I take my two anywhere else sans the hubs. I think it’s just the distractions that come along with grocery shopping. You know: comparing prices, reading lists, forgetting things… 

Okay, back to today. The kids were seated in their rightful place- in the cart. I glided through the store, surprisingly not as worried about kidnappers (maybe Eric’s rubbing off on me). I still didn’t let go of the cart once. (Babysteps.) I asked the Danger-man what else we need to make egg salad sandwiches. And he replied: “Well, let’s see. We have eggs, bread, and veganaise. So we need mustard, salt and pepper.” I’m still marveling at his response because we had not discussed a list. At all. And he nailed all the ingredients.  Plus, I’ve forgotten to buy salt for a month now and he remind me that we need it. And a woman, with a basket full of kids of her own, standing nearby complimented him on his sheer brilliance. 

Fast forward to the 3 of us looking at herbs for the garden. We had already gotten everything on our list, things were going well (by this I mean nobody tried to pluck my kids out of the cart and stroll off with them), and at this point we were just browsing.  The Danger-man spotted the hummingbird feeders and started to throw a fit because, apparently, he needs one. And, the Pea, usually one to follow her brothers lead, started fussing as well. The same woman from earlier walks by and said: “I knew they weren’t as perfect as they seemed.” Call me crazy but, I still kind of think this was a compliment. I mean, even as their mother, I know they’re certainly are not a perfect as they seem. But still, you think they seemed perfect? Unintentionally or not, that comment totally made my day.

Then the cashier tried to kill my high. She rang up all our junk, moved the rubber divider, and kept on going. When I said something to stop her she scolded me for not using the divider. You know, the one she had to move in order to get to that box of eclairs that we’re most certainly not mine (but, I kinda wish I at least claimed those). Rather than getting mad and defensive I just thought of my [seemingly] perfect kids. See, totally made my day.

And, the best part? Now that my car is fixed we can spend more family time like so:

rather than on aisle 6.

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the post in which I share a recipe

Remember the dinner problem  I wrote about before? 

Well, for the record, the Danger-man is still having a hard time eating consistently. And I have to tell you, it’s hard to be zen like about it when 5 peas “make his mouth too full” (but, he can fit a fist full of corn chips or popcorn or goldfish crackers in there no problem).

 But, I’m happy to report that so far we haven’t buckled and our picky eater seems to finally be coming around. Tonight at dinner he shed actual tears because we didn’t have any leftover tofu (and we wouldn’t let him eat any more of his sisters.) If that isn’t progress, I don’t know what is.  

And since dinner tonight seemed to be a huge hit, I thought I share the recipe with the world. (Or, you know, the two people who read my blog. Same thing right?)

Easy Peasy Mega-Protein Stir-fry

1c. quinoa
1 1/2 water
bring to a boil
cover and reduce heat to simmer
cook for 15 mins
remove from heat and let it sit for 5 minutes then fluff
(generally: soak quinoa in water for 10 mins and strain before cooking)

1 lb tofu cut in 1/4″ strips
2 lg Portobello mushrooms cut in 1/4″ strips
2 cloves chopped garlic
olive oil
salt, pepper, seasonings of your choice
saute garlic, mushrooms, and tofu over medium heat until brown
add juice of 1 lime  
add cooked quinoa and stir-fry until mixed well 

Enjoy.

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lemonade: you bastard!

Let’s backtrack for a second. The weather has been shitty and according to the weather-man it was just going to get worse. So, we spent last Tuesday at the mall just to get out of the house.  Mainly, we window shopped and let  the kids burn off some energy in the play land. (That’s the breaks of living in the PNW. Most of the year we’re playing in the rain or holed up inside.) And, I fell in love with a purse that I didn’t need. Eric tried to convince me to buy it but I balked. (I can think of a trillion other things that we actually need and a new purse isn’t one of them. Besides, after a year of lugging a diaper bag, any purse will do. Even an old one from the bottom of the closet will seem brand new again.) And, I was a little bit proud of myself for walking away.

Two days later, Eric ran home on his lunch-break because the Pea turned into a poo-cano, reminiscent of her newborn days, and we needed pedialyte. I answered his knock and he was standing on the porch with pedialyte and Starbucks (my hero!) And the purse. (Sometimes he’s just too good to be true.) After that, the peanut butter and jelly I threw together for him seemed a bit inadequate.

The weather  hadn’t gotten much better but we decided a venture out of the house was long overdue. We ended up at  the Kennedy School. It’s one of our favorite places to go.  (Old elementary school turned hotel/restaurant/ bar with a cheap movie theater and a heated soaking pool. Can’t get any better.) We love to catch a movie during mommy matinée and snarf down some pizza and pitcher of lemonade.

We had a ton of fun. The Danger-man brought his pocket-sized light saber so he could pretend it was a wand. He would brandish it and whisper ‘stupify’ inbetween handfuls of popcorn. The Pea thought it was awesome to try to shove tiny fist-full of popcorn down Eric’s throat. When that became boring she decided to try to see how full she could make my cheeks. (She’s already so good at sharing, right?) But, that’s not the point.

The point? After the movie, I threw the Pea’s sippy cup into my beautiful new purse. It was full.  And the lid?  Apparently it wasn’t screwed on tightly.  We stopped our front to pose for pictures and I pulled out my camera and lemonade was literally pouring out of around the buttons. The entire bottom of my purse was soaked and now stained.

Forget the kids, I was the one who had a meltdown this time. I mean, I don’t throw myself on the ground kicking and screaming but, I might as well. Seriously. And, forget the purse, I love it anyway. My camera on the other hand? Toast.

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weekly funnies [part 5]

After telling me about his girlfriends:
“I love them SO MUCH I just want to kiss them! I can’t stop kissing them.”

He has a knack for making up knock knock jokes:
“Jamaica… Jamaica me crazy when I smile at you”
And: “Nacho…  Nacho Mama”

Watching the news about the tsunami in Japan:
“I have an idea, we should grab a sword and try to fight the water. There are lots of swords in Japan.”

New nickname for his sister:
Pancake babycakes.

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beer me

Imagine this: It’s nap time. Both the kids are actually asleep at the same time (for once) in the middle of the day. I’m pacing the livingroom trying to decided what I should do with this unprecedented alone time. Read… Watch a movie… Clean… Nap… Homework… Blog… Facebook… Shower… Call someone who cares. So many options and so little time. (I always have this problem when I catch myself with a minute alone. I just can’t decide.)

For a second, I contemplate yard work and glance outside to check the weather. Only I see someone at a dead stop, in the middle of the sidewalk, watching me. (A bit creepy, right?) His reaction when I caught him staring was to hurry along his way. My reaction was to laugh at first.  I don’t know, maybe I was picking my nose or doing something else weird. Then it hits me: he’s a dead ringer for the burglar from the Brinks commercial. (you know the one: mother and the daugher come inside from the backyard and they’re face to face with a burglar.) Better check the kids and lock the doors first.

With the kids sound asleep and the doors freshly locked, I settle on the couch for some time alone with my novel. Aside from a load of laundry drying in the garage, the house is completely quite. Until, I hear some kind of commotion in the bathroom.

My actual train of thought:
Holy Fuck! What was that?
It sounded like the shampoo bottles feel off the ledge in the shower. 
Wait: Why would they just randomly fall.  
The window’s open..must be windy.
HOLY FUCK! THE WINDOW IS OPEN. WHAT IF THAT CREEPY GUY IS BREAKING IN?

I went to check out the situation. One jump over the back of the couch and I’m in the hallway with the bathroom door only steps away. The door’s half closed and I’m creeping towards  it on my tippy-toes. My heart is beating hard and fast. I’m holding my breath while I strain to hear any sound coming from the bathroom.  But, everything is quite.

I’m on the verge of laughing at myself for being so crazy.  But, from my vantage point I can see a tiny sliver of the bathroom and a shadow passes over the porcelain. Holy FUCK! Someone is in the bathroom. I rush the door and it slams in my face. Then I’m groping for the door knob and trying to force the door open. I’m not really putting my weight into it yet but I can feel someone on the other side and it seemed as if they were.   

Then I hear the Danger-man’s sleepy little voice: “Nobody come in here…I need privacy.”

I laugh out of sheer relief but my hands are shaking. I stop trying to force the door and knock. The Danger-man flings it wide and he’s standing there in just a t-shirt. His undies and pants in a ball in front of the toilet. I scoop him up, kiss his face and say: “buddy, in the future can you make sure I know you’re awake. No more sneaking around okay. You scared Mama.”  

What did I learn for this experience? I have a bit of an over-active imagination and my instincts are shit. If there really was a prowler in the bathroom trying to keep me out, why- for the love of god- would I try to force the door open? Also, it might be time to rearrange the furniture so I can see the Danger-man when he decides to be stealthy. (Honestly, I should have known it was him all along; he loves to sneak around when he’s supposed to be sleeping.)

I’m gonna need some beer tonight. My nerves are shot.

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